For every uphill there is a downhill...

Alright, I took a few weeks off from writing because I needed to get out of my head for a bit. I've been having some issues dealing with some overwhelmingly heavy topics: money and time being at the top of that list.

I'm not giving up. I can't. It's just not in my blood. I do feel like my passion at this very moment is not at the level it should be because I have the whole time and money thing hanging over me, but I have a spark.

Saturday (tomorrow) I'm doing my first open water swim since 2012. My first race of the season is just two weeks away and getting in some open water is a really high priority.

Fingers crossed my wetsuit fits... It's been folded neatly in storage for quite some time.

But I'm getting ahead of myself....

Monday afternoon, I went to the pool for a swim. I managed about 1000 yards and felt a little sluggish. When I get stressed I stop eating and let's just say my stress level has been a little higher than normal.

I went home after my swim and had some food. About an hour later I decided I had some extra time so I drove to the park where my race will be held and drove the run course. I knew it was not going to be a flat run, but I did not anticipate how un-flat it really was.

I spent about 10 minutes sitting in my car gathering the courage to get out and start running. I thought to myself, "I'll never know if I don't do it."

So I got out of the car and started running very, very slow. The first third of the course is all uphill. It starts as a slow uphill grade and gets steeper as you climb. The middle third is pretty flat and runs along a lake. The last third is down the hills I climbed in the beginning.

I finished the run in 35 minutes. My toes hurt a bit from the steep downhill, and I will admit to walking a total of about 2 minutes.

This run helped reignite the fire. I'm ready. I know I can do this.

After the open water swim Saturday, I'm heading out with some friends who are racing with me to ride the bike course. Depending on the weather, I'm hoping to ride the course twice. Once to get a feel of it and a second to really get it.

Honestly, I don't know about you, but how often do you get to train on the course you're planning to race? Not very often in my experience, so having this course about 5 miles from my house is great.

Sunday I'm going out to run the course again, adding two flat miles at the end. After that, I'll probably head out a few more times and start my taper.

May 17 - countdown begins!

A lesson from the triathlon community

I've been sulking lately about how my attempt at finding people to train with me has been a huge and expensive failure when it hit me.

Like a ton of bricks. On the head.

People aren't going to find me, I need to branch out a bit. So, I pulled up my big her pants and headed to the interwebs to find a running partner.

Side note: I actually already had a running partner lined up for today (Friday), but she is one of those people who is notorious for bailing at the last minute and even though she hasn't bailed yet, I'm confident she will cancel tonight. But that's an entirely different blog.

First, I posted to the Philadelphia Triathlon Club Facebook group. Most clubbies organize group rides and runs, and swims for that matter, close to Philadelphia. There really isn't a club or organization closer to me. Anyway, I asked if anyone was in my area and wanted to meet for a run, this is where I'd be and this is the time I was planning on being there. 

Being that it was 8 p.m. Thursday and I was looking for a running buddy for the very next day, I knew it was long shot, but tried anyway. Early this morning, I got some interest from someone who said they couldn't run, but lived nearby and would be interested in a run another time.

Score 1 for me.

Next, I lead a very small group of beginner runners who I helped train for their first 5K last fall. I posted to that group also and got not one, but two people interested!! These two I know will show up, so I'll have at least two people to run with tonight!

Score 2!

Finally, I few weeks ago I volunteered during the Endurance Sports Expo with the club and one of the clubbies there gave me her card. I searched for this little piece of paper that I pretty much threw aside and emailed her as well. She responded (!!) and while she also can't run - it is the Friday before Easter - she said she was glad I contacted her because she lost my card. 

The lesson I learned was that sometimes you really just have to ask. You may not get a yes, but getting some attention is certainly a step in the right direction.

So, let's go on to my week in review:

Monday night, no worthwhile swim to speak of, followed by ... nothing. Fact: I have not done a damn thing all week. Tuesday I was exhausted, so I slept in. Tuesday night, the dog came home from hunting with some kind of infection that caused her paw to pretty much blow up with an infection - I will spare you the details and photo of that. So, Wednesday we dealt with that, which was exhausting. Thursday morning I woke up feeling fantastic, but I slept in. Thursday night I spent time with my kids because I won't see them for a full week.

I'm dying a little inside.

So, in true Diane fashion, tonight I will attempt to blow it up. On deck is a casual swim of at least 1000 yards. Period. No excuses. After my swim I'll meet my running group friends for an easy 3 mile run. It's supposed to rain, but I'm planning on running no matter what the weather, unless it becomes dangerous, but that's not supposed to be the case.

Saturday morning I'll be preparing the vegetable tray I have been asked to bring for Easter dinner at the boyfriend's family's home Saturday afternoon. I will eat and drink too much Saturday night and Sunday I have a date to go fishing with the boyfriend and spend the day with him. Monday night I'll be swimming again. The rest of the week I must get on my trainer. I have an unusual Wednesday night without the kids, so I might see if I can sneak a ride in outside Wednesday after work, even if it's just hill repeats at my house. Thursday and Friday my daughter is making her stage debut, so no workouts there. Weekend is yet to be determined.

Hope you all are doing well. See you on the flipside!

Weekly training report and a few race thoughts

See how nervous No. 270 is? That's me before my last race. That's the look I have
before every race. Confidence does not come naturally.

This Sunday I ran outside for the first time this year. It felt good to be off the treadmill, but what didn't feel good was the cold!

I started my workout on the trainer, but I only road for 30 mins. I actually had a lot of things going on, so I had to compress this workout. It's summer camp sign up time, and I had to meet the ex and the kids to tour a local camp.

Anyway...

I've been panicking a bit about the hills involved in the French Creek Triathlon, which happens to be in just 55 days. So I did some hill repeats on the trainer and throughout the entire workout I kept thinking that the hills on the road are much harder than what I can do on the trainer.

Truth.

But it snowed Friday and the roads were still a mess by Sunday and it's still cold. So, I will have to settle for the trainer.

This weather will break soon.

Anyway...

I got off the trainer, spent exactly 2 minutes "transitioning" to run and headed out the door.

Holy wind, Batman!

Seriously, it was so windy for the entire run. But I managed the 1.57 miles I planned and that was that.

Here are my latest thoughts regarding this race:

1) Water temperature
I own one sleeveless wetsuit. Period. If water temperatures are below 60-65 degrees, I will seriously reconsider doing this race at all. I fully understand this may seem like a cop-out, but the truth is that I'm not in it to win it and I'm most certainly not in it to get hypothermia. If the temperatures don't start getting warmer soon, this may very well be the situation I'm considering.

2) Hills
This race is very hilly. There is one giant hill that according to the cue sheet I will have to climb twice. Same with the run. Fortunately, during the run, the option to walk always exists. Clearly I would prefer not to walk, however, the option exists. This option does not exists on the bike. My very first attempt at an Olympic distance triathlon ended when I tried to tackle a hill I was not prepared to climb. I really need the weather to get a little bit warmer so I can ride the course a few times before race day.

3) Swimming with the fishes
I have to say I am really impressed with how well my swimming has improved since starting my training effort. As long as I can stand the water temperature, I believe the swim will be my strongest leg of the race.

4) Custody and training
I have to say, honestly, working full time and having my kids at home really makes training for a triathlon difficult. I wouldn't change anything, but it is really hard to do everything and keep track of everything while being a single mom.

So, here is my training plan for this week:
Monday (today): Swim 1200, followed by a soak in the hot tub and maybe some time in the sauna. I really need to destress.

Tuesday: Bike trainer + strength training at home

Wednesday: My schedule calls for a run, but I'm still tending to the early morning darkness issue, so I'm not sure how I will do this.

Thursday: Rest day or bike trainer if I can't run Wednesday.

Saturday: Rest day, with possible run outside with my son.

Sunday: Trainer

A look behind forces a serious look ahead

I just spent more time than I care to admit re-reading this entire blog. A few things I want to note:

1. In the beginning of this blog, I had such grand ideas and plans and clearly not enough time because I hardly wrote. I wanted to go back and read about my training and about the things I was going through while I was training for some motivation now. Not the case at all. I'm not sure why I was so reluctant to write, but I didn't. I wish I had.

2. I've had several come backs on this site and it's actually pretty sad the number of times I've decided to get at it again and backed off. But it's also indicative of how hard it really is to comeback when the reason you stopped in the first place wasn't because I lost interest, but because I had lost the support needed to be able to juggle life and training.

3. I'm whiny with a severe self confidence issues.

I'm working on changing these things. My goal for bringing back this blog was to document my progression, not to complain about there not being enough time in the day, because guess what, there will never be more than 24 hours in any given day. No one is forcing me to do this. I'm not getting compensated in any way, shape or form for doing this. I'm doing it because I want to do it.

I really, really want to do it.

So, here's what I've got ahead:

Tonight I'm headed to the pool for what is quickly becoming my Monday night swim/run routine. I actually find a lot of comfort in the consistency of it. I know that after work every Monday I will be going to the pool and I will be on that treadmill, even if it's only for a short run.

Tuesday and Wednesday I'm still trying to figure out the perfect routine. I'm thinking this week Tuesday morning I'll get on the trainer and follow that with some weights.

Wednesday I would like to run in the morning, but the sun is just not up early enough yet. This may sound like an excuse, but in all reality, I live in a very rural area with no lights, no sidewalks and very little people. If it's dark, I'm at risk of getting hit by a car or running into wild animals that are still out roaming the streets and not at all excited to see me. Since I'm running alone, neither of these situations are ideal. It's likely that Wednesday will be a rest day. Thursday morning will be a great trainer morning and Friday night is date night at the pool, followed by a run on the treadmill.

Saturdays, I know, are when most people do long runs or rides, but Saturdays I have reserved to spend with my family. I make no apologies for it. If I were training for a longer distance, I would definitely put more stock in a Saturday workout than I am now.

Sunday I will swim. Another cold day with a high of 41 is set, but I might take a gander at running outside following my run. If it were set to be warm, like 50 or above, I'd be on my bike. But we aren't there yet.

We'll see how it goes.

Reality bites

Last Thursday, the kids and I went on a mini mid-winter get away. When I was married, my then-husband and I used to go to Mexico for a week around this time of year. The kids never went with us. So it's been about 5 years since I've had a mid-winter get away.

This year has been especially cold and dreary and one day I was sitting around dreaming of a trip to Mexico and I realized that the kiddos probably would love to get away for a few days. Since Mexico, or any trip requiring airfare, is out of the financial question these days, I found a family-friendly resort and took them.

The kiddos were exactly the right age (and height) for this place to ROCK!

It was super mega awesome.

Yes, we went down every. single, waterslide. TWICE!

But I'm back today and headed to pool after my boss unlocks the shackles for the day.

Today is exactly 90 days to my race.

I had a very stern "talking to" the other day about what I should expect from myself during this first race.

Here are some truths:
* I took 2 years off and did not swim or ride my bike at all.
* I have been running sporadically, but nothing that resembles training for anything.
* Over the last year, I have been fighting with my hip injury and every time I start running with regularity, it flares up.
* I'm days away from the 10th anniversary of my 29th birthday, which means I "may" not be as young and vibrant as I once thought I was.
* I am not in race shape - and 90 days isn't going to change that.

But I can get close. So I'm refocusing. Instead of trying to kick it out of the park and set giant goals, I'm going to race to finish. I'm going to focus on how I feel. I'm going to use this race to gauge what needs the most improvement and make my comeback slow and steady.

I mean, haven't I been told the story of the tortoise and the hare enough times that you'd think I'd learn something from it - like take your damn time and you might succeed.

So, we'll see.

New year, new training goals

At the end of September, I made some grand plans for 2013. I stated them loud and proud. Now, a mere three days into 2013, I’m not a shamed at all to say I was full of it.

As it turns out, I cannot dive head first into a year of training while moving (this Saturday!) into a new house, getting a divorce, sorting out custody arraignments and working two and a half jobs. 

Since so much has happened since I last posted, I’ll spare you all the minor details and give you the bullet points.

Austin Marathon

I’m still headed to Austin and I plan to run, just not the full marathon. I just don’t  have the time, mental capacity, drive or desire to train properly for the full marathon, so I will run the half. I had been tossing around the idea of only running the half for a few weeks when I started out on a planned 16 mile run. I didn't feel good about this run from the start and at about mile 10, my body said stop. My hip started bothering me and I realized I just couldn't put myself through another long injury recovery period. Clearly I wasn't treating my body well enough to put it through the rigors of a full marathon. Maybe next year.

Triathlons

The thing about getting a divorce and moving on with your life is that you realize pretty quickly how little time and money you have when half your support system is gone. My free time will now be spent with my children. I have been spending time in the gym working on my strength, but my endurance has suffered since I haven't been logging many miles running, swimming or biking. I just don’t have the time to devote to the hours needed for these endeavors right now. Maybe I’ll change my mind in a few months after life settles down. The desire to race is there, the funds and time just aren't. I promised a friend I’d do a race with her this year, I will keep my promise but my focus will be on fun… not competition.     

Life is good

While so much negative stuff is going on, there is a sparkle of hope and happiness I'm holding on to. Divorce is never easy, no matter how hard you try. There is no easy way out; there is no way to get through it without hurt feelings... but there is hope. I have found  happiness reuniting with friends I haven't spent much time with; I've found that I have the drive to work hard to get the things I need. I've found confidence and I found friends who promise to be there - and actually are there - when needed. Most of all, I've found that my children are strong, resilient and see the silver lining in almost any situation. I am proud of them. I want them to see me as a strong, independent, determined woman who will do anything for them. I want to show them how to live healthy, how physical work equals physical strength. I want to give them peace and security and I want them to be happy, without compromising my own happiness. For me personally, 2012 was a very hard year on all levels. I cried at the stroke of midnight, said good-bye to 2012 and opened the door to 2013. A brand new year with brand new opportunities.  

(btw, if you live in the Montgomery County, Pa, area and want to schedule a free trial MaxOut workout with me, comment below or simply visit the site and request a free trial. Also, if you're interested in any of the hundreds of AMAZING Herbalife products, including the new Herbalife 24 made for and by athletes, visit my website and place an order or comment below and I'll get in touch with you)

Steelman Olympic distance race report

The sun coming up over Lake Nockamixon.

Knock-knock. Anyone there? Yes, I have been MIA for the last two months because, I will be totally honest, I have a lot going on in my life right now. Most of it I can't write about, which absolutely effects the stuff I can write about and makes the stuff I can write about far less interesting. At least to me. BUT through it all, I managed to get in one final triathlon this season: Steelman at Nockamixon State Park in Quakertown.

Let me start by saying the two months since doing Eagleman my training has been less than stellar. In fact, I can honestly say I've been in the pool maybe twice and been swimming at the lake twice. That's a grand total of four swim sessions in two months. I've ridden my bike a little more frequently, once a week on most weeks, and I may have logged 15 - 20 miles running. Seriously, I was behaving as if this race wasn't going to happen.

Yes, every picture I have is before sunrise because I got to the part before 5 a.m.!

But as I stood among 2,000 athletes ready to start a race they actually prepared for, I completely questioned my sanity. I tried to remind myself that I did finish a 70.3 two months ago. I can totally do this distance. But the buoys looked so far away. Everyone around me was smiling in anticipation. I was shivering with fear. In fact, I spend the whole weekend fighting off the fear that something terrible was going to happen to me during this race. I was going to a race with no one. I had no support with me. Just me. Alone. I wrote my kids a note in the morning reminding them that I loved them, just in case.

Clearly, I was feeling out of my mind.

See those buoys? Can you see them? Look how far they look?

Swim:
Back to the water's edge. Lake Nockamixon is actually a really beautiful lake, but on Sunday I didn't see its beauty, I simply focused on its size. With a water temperature of 80 degrees, it was not a wetsuit legal race, so I wore my skin suit. We had the option to wear wetsuits, but you'd be disqualified for awards. I sort of wish I had chosen to wear mine. I'm not winning any awards, but I wanted to try without it. In hindsight, I should've worn it. When the gun went off, I started swimming. It seemed to take an eternity to get to the first buoy. The next buoy also seemed very far away. I focused on swimming buoy-to-buoy. One after the other I swam passed them. None seemed to come faster than the next. I got out of the water and saw the :40 min mark and although that time was disappointing, I knew I had no business expecting to swim any faster than I did. My official swim time was :40:03

Bike:
I will admit I heard nothing but horror stories about the hills on this ride. I had no expectations other than to ride as hard as I could. That's what I did. The climb out of the park was tough, but not nearly has hard as I thought it was going to be, and the rest of the course pretty much followed that same line of thinking. There were a few pretty good climbs, but nothing that was insanely difficult. During the first climb out of the park, the little packet in my pocket that held my Enduralytes fell to the ground. Fortunately, it fell right in front of a volunteer who ran to it and yelled what's your number, I'll get it back to you. I panicked for a second worried that I'd cramp like crazy without them. But sometimes you just cannot worry about things beyond your control. So, I just let it go and focused on the ride. My ride time was 1:31:22, that's a 17.7 mph average. I am happy with that.

Run:
I started this run waiting for my legs to cramp. Having no Enduralytes to help if they did, I was just waiting... but guess what. They never cramped. This was encouraging. I felt strong the entire run. It was a beautiful paved, shaded course through the park. I really enjoyed the run. Water stops were frequent and stocked with Gatorade, water and ice. I was feeling so good, I really thought I was going to make the 10k in under an hour. I was close, 1:02:43, but not quite. I finished feeling great. I was a little disappointed to not have my kids meet me at the finish like they normally do, but I was happy to see Joanna there at the end.

I finished this race with the time of 3:19:17. This is 15 minutes faster than my previous best Olympic distance time. Seriously, I cannot believe it. I didn't really deserve to PR during a race I wasn't prepared to do, however, I will take it. 

Overall, I thought Steelman was a great race and we were blessed with beautiful weather. As an athlete who is not finishing in the top half, it was nice to see volunteers at all the stations throughout the entire race. I hate when you're running and you come to an aid station that just has cups and coolers because the volunteers left. It's defeating, but this was not the case at all at Steelman.

I'm glad I did this race. I wasn't going to, but Joanna helped make it possible for me. Thank you Joanna. It was a great race to end a tough season. Oh, and as a side note, my packet of Enduralytes were sitting at my transition when I got back to it. How awesome is that?!

Ironman Eagleman 70.3 Race Report

I've been working on this post for months. The whole reason I started this blog was to write about this triathlon, Eagleman. The race that was going to take me to the next level. Instead, I was humbled by this race and this report is just not writing itself. So, let's start at the beginning.

We had plans to stay at my friend Tammy's in-laws place in Lewes, Del., about an hour and a half away from the starting line. This wasn't an ideal situation, but it was free accommodations and there wasn't a hotel within 50 miles of the race that had any open rooms. But, in an extraordinary stroke of good luck, Joanna had a nutrition client who booked an extra room and offered it to us. So on Saturday, I met Tammy and fellow dailymiler Patrick, in Media to start our trek to Cambridge, Maryland. 

I had no idea until I got here that Ironman was such a community event. Clearly businesses welcomed us.

Once in Cambridge, we went to the race expo and packet pick up. There was a pro athlete forum that was going on while we were picking up our race packets. We stayed just long enough to take a blurry picture ...

Ironmen

... and pick up our race numbers. It was so hot and crowded.

Packet pick up and expo

Next stop was the transition area to rack our bikes and check out the transition area. We did some stalking while we were there... you know, killing time.

Transition area with bikes racked

Yeah, so it's not every day I come within feet of Ironman Champions

After checking into our hotel room, heading to dinner and packing, unpacking and repacking everything we needed for the next morning, we settled in at about 8:30 p.m. for our 4:15 a.m. wake up call.

"Shuttle," AKA school bus, we took in the morning to transition. Patrick is pictured.

I have to admit, I was not nervous about the race. I did have a few moments of anxiety, but generally I felt pretty confident that I was going to conquer this race.

We quickly learned that if Patrick was anything, he was positive.

We learned that for the first time in two years the race would be wetsuit legal, so my confidence was pretty good. The pros started at 6:45 and Tammy and I had an hour to walk around and wait for our wave start.

Transition area set (sort of) and ready to go.

The swim:
At 7:40 exactly, our wave was ushered into the water. As we walked toward the water, volunteers handed us safety pins to put on our timing chips if our wetsuits didn't cover them. I thought this was a brilliant idea since at my last half iron, my timing chip fell off twice during the swim. Anyway, two minutes later, the blow horn sounded and we were off.

Choptank River, not nearly as scary as described by athletes.

I will admit that the stories of jellyfish, sharks and rough waters of the Choptank River (you can't make up that name), scared me a little prior to the start. But I found the waters to be cool and lightly salted. Not nearly has salty as the ocean. I had some trouble sighting because my goggles were super foggy (Patrick, the defogging stuff did NOT work) and the buoys were a little further apart than I'm used to in races. I stayed pretty wide and to the left throughout the swim because I did not want to get kicked in the head again. The first half of the swim I stayed calm and took my time. About half way through I remember that there was no reason to hold anything back today, and I picked up my pace. Before I knew it, I was coming into to the swim finish. I felt strong and ready for the bike. I finished the 1.2 mile swim in 44:49. In transition, I stripped off the wetsuit, took a long drink and hopped on my bike.

The bike:
I pushed the entire time on this ride. The course was completely flat, not a single hill. We road through some scenic parks with a lot of trees. Of course there were stretches with nothing more than an open field, but my confidence was high. I was passing a lot of riders on the course and with little effort maintaining an easy 18-19 mph pace. Around the halfway mark, maybe a little further, I was honestly trying not to look at my bike computer and only watched the time, I hit some headwind that pushed me to a pretty steady 14 mph. That was a little harder to recover from, but I kept pushing. This was about the time I saw a woman throw up twice while riding. My first thought was, "That woman is hardcore." My next thought was, "I wonder why she's getting sick."

The last 6 miles seemed to take forever, but those last six miles is where I started to see the runners. Many were walking. No one looked happy. At the end of that 56 miles, which I did in 3:11, I walked my bike back to my transition spot. I was in no rush to start this run.

Picture of the sun taken by my husband while waiting for me to finish the race.

The run:
After putting socks and sneakers on and taking another long drink, I trotted out of transition and onto the course. Immediately my quads cramped. I tried to ignore it and took two Enduralytes, but the cramps coupled with a shooting pain on the right side of my right foot forced me to a walk. Less than a mile into the course Tammy caught up to me. I think I said outloud, "Oh seriously." She was in good spirits and walked with me for a bit. I encouraged her to keep running. A few feet later I met Dan, an athlete wearing a knee brace. He and I walk about 3/4 of a mile together until the first water spot. He walked through it and I stopped and strategically placed ice in my tri suit and wet my sun sleeves hoping to stay cool. After that, I walked/ran the entire course.

I stopped at every water spot and poured ice water all over myself. The temperature was 100 degrees and there wasn't a single patch of shade anywhere. Patrick described it as a death march and I can't think of a better description than that. I watched seasoned triathletes walking. Men and women who I am sure are much stronger and fitter than I am put their pride aside and simply walk. Where there were neighborhoods, many residents had tents out and sprayed athletes down with garden hoses. If any of them ever read this, THANK YOU!

After the first 6.6 miles, I realized my hopes of having a half iron in the 6 hour time range was not going to happen. I ate a snow cone, and the sugar helped push me the next 4 or so miles.

The last mile and a half was the absolute worst. I felt my body actually falling apart. I had been drinking water and electrolytes and taking Enduralytes like they were candy, but I wasn't eating. I would've killed someone for a pretzel or potato chips. I needed salt, I needed calories. I had three Gus in my pocket the entire run, but I couldn't bring myself to eat them. Probably my downfall. But the heat called for drinking, not for eating. With each step I took, I felt weaker. With one mile left, I choked down a Gu and it only served to turn my stomach.

With 400 yards left, a group of athlete sat in the shade encouraging, no, yelling at us to run. "There's only 400 yards left, one loop around the track. Run! Don't be weak," I heard them shout. So I ran. I ran and I have no idea how I did it. It was the longest 400 yards of my entire life. Each step was filled with pain. Every muscle in my body hurt, my feet burned and I was crying. I saw my kids right at the shoot and I lost it. Crossing the finish line I just bent over and sobbed. 3:09 was my run time. A medic came over to me and put a wet towel on my neck, held me up and asked me if I wanted to sit down. No, I wanted to see my kids.

Hobbling toward the finish line.

The entire time I was walking/running, all I could think of (when I wasn't in shock at how my body felt like it was falling apart) was all the time I had spent training. All the hours, all the effort, six months of training and nutrition and my half iron time was 4 minutes better than the last one.
4 minutes.

After cooling off, eating and pulling myself together, I texted Joanna. I said, "Finished and getting ready to leave. That may have been the hardest thing I've ever done. Wow" She called me immediately. I don't know how I managed to not cry while talking to her, but she was nothing but encouraging. She knew my goal and I failed. I failed. She said, "I don't think you would've finished the race at all if you didn't train the way you did. You can't prepare for that heat. You did the best you could. I am proud of you." Those words meant the world to me.

The truth is that I didn't fail. I finished a race where many did not. I improved my swim time by 11 minutes and my bike time by 7. I took an extraordinary 6+ minutes in transition from bike to run this time and my run time was increased by 11 minutes from the last race. The heat was brutal, my nutrition fell apart and therefore my body fell apart. I have always been my biggest critic and I continue to be that critic.

I did it!

I walked away from the race with a few thoughts: 1) I will never do a half iron again. It's just not my race. Eagleman decided that. 2) I am strong. Those were two facts I held fast for the last two days as I've hobbled from one place to another. I held fast as I suffered through dehydration and the inability to keep food down for the last two days. I held this truth until I thought about my next race. When someone said, "So, what's next?"

Truth is, I will race again because I am racing against myself. Probably not this year, but I will next year. Actually, who am I kidding, as soon as I am able to train again I will probably find a race and shoot for it. I will not let this stop me from doing what I love. I am a triathlete. I am strong. I will reach my goal of a 6 hour 70.3. 

Digging deep to find my game face

Transition setup at Diamondman 2011.

As time ticks on closer and closer to race day, there is a tiny bit of panic brewing in my head. Truth is: I’m tired. Very tired. I feel like I’m at the point where my body is screaming for a day off, but it’s also the point at which I need to listen to my coach the most. I need to trust her. I’ve come this far following all of her triathlon and nutrition instructions and workout plans, now is not the time for me to fall off the wagon. So I trudge on, trying to keep my head in the game and focus on form and technique as the miles get longer and longer.  

Along with this physical exhaustion I’m feeling, I’m having some mental “game day” issues. You see, I have a reoccurring problem associated with “racing.” As race day approaches, I start to distance myself mentally from the event. Eagleman is less than 6 weeks away. SIX WEEKS! I think back to when it was six months away. I was calm, cool and confident. Now, as we get closer, my once cool demeanor is changing to denial.

I can remember specifically standing at the edge of the water before Diamondman helping my fellow athletes zip their wetsuits (by the way, an absolutely fantastic way to distract yourself if you need it) thinking, “I cannot believe I’m about to do this.” What a ridiculous thing to think when I had spent the last 6 months preparing for that exact moment. Even as the race started and I took my first couple of strokes through the water, I could not wrap my head around the fact that I, ME, of all people, was there.

This is where I am mentally right at this moment. I hope it passes.

I am not an android... I'm a triathlete

After breaking the VO2 testing machine the last time I was there, the Performance Lab let me come back last Friday. Turns out, even though I resemble one in this photo, I am not an android at all.

The first time I found myself in the lab, it seemed so surreal. Here I am, regular old Diane, standing in a room with real athletic testing equipment... for real athletes. Like real, serious athletes. I couldn't help but giggle pretty much the whole time I was there. How did I end up here?

The Performance Lab, located in Cherry Hill, N.J., is "powered by" the Rothman Institute, which is a super awesome orthopaedics specialty group that I went to as a last resort to work out this hip issue of mine. Basically I thought, if they can't help me, no one will. 

Enter Dr. Michael Ross, fellow member of the Philadelphia Triathlon Club. After meeting him at his office and getting X-rays of my hips, he determined some physical therapy would help my hip... but wanted to take it a step further. He wanted to find out why my hip injury will not go away and stay away. He suspected it had something to do with my asthma and the way we figure this out is we test. 

As a less than amateur triathlete, the idea of getting these complex tests done was super cool. I mean, really, how freaking cool is it that I can learn how my body burns fat, carbohydrates, at what point lactic acid takes over and learn about my overall lung function from the inside out? Pretty freaking sweet in my book.

The first thing that happens is they fit you with this very android looking device, see above photo. Next they measure, I think, my lung capacity. I take a giant breath in and then blow it out until my lungs are empty. Next is a hyperventilation test where I breathe in and out quickly (hyperventilating). I will be honest, I have no idea what that measures. I didn't take notes. Bad blogger.

After doing those tests, the real testing begins. Starting out walking on the treadmill, we increase the miles per hour every two minutes until I can't run any more. 

This doesn't take nearly as long as you'd think. At least for me.

I topped out at the end of the 2 minutes at 8 mph. This is a 7:30 running pace. I can't run faster than that. I simply could not keep up with the treadmill any longer.

What we learned:

My asthma is not nearly as controlled as I thought. My large airways stay open, in fact, they actually increase as I exercise, but the small airways do not. They get smaller and decrease by as much as 50%, which significantly decreases the amount of oxygen getting to my muscles, which speeds up fatigue. This, in turn, makes my small muscles work harder than they should and helps contribute to my hip injury never really staying better. So, Dr. Ross prescribed some new meds that seem to be really working. We'll retest in a few weeks.

We learned lots of other things like where my body stops burning fat and starts using carbohydrates, my lactic threshold and how I can get faster, but I don't really want to bore you with all of it because it really is only interesting to me ... and Joanna. What I will tell you, is that the longer I'm in triathlon, the more I learn about myself. Whether it's that I sometimes shock myself with my competitive nature or how lung function can directly effect muscle fatigue, the real lesson in triathlon has less to do with swim, bike run, and much more to do with what the individual athlete learns about themselves through the training process. 

Oh, quick update: I was supposed to run the Iron Girl Half Marathon in Columbus, MD, Sunday, however both Joanna and Dr. Ross decided it wouldn't be a great idea for me to try and muscle my way through a half marathon and potentially injury my hip even more, which could ruin my chances of racing Eagleman in June.

Trying to overcome the mental setback that comes from injury

Today marks exactly one month until my half marathon. Before this injury sidelined me, I was well on my way to a PR. It's still not out of the realm of possibility, but my confidence level has certainly been hit hard.

This week I've done a total of 12 minutes of running -- that's right, 12 MINUTES, not miles -- all of which have been virtually pain-free. This is exciting and I'm anxious to start logging miles again, but I'm not naive enough to simply start right where I left off, I'm taking things slow and really waiting until I see a doctor next week. This is the part that concerns me. I feel like I had finally gotten to the point in my running that I didn't find myself mid run thinking that I'd better slow down or else I won't be able to finish. I started having positive thoughts race through my head during each run... more "Run Faster" and "Let's Go" and "You Can Totally Do This," instead of "Just run to that tree and you can walk." This injury is a setback, and it's less about ability and more about mentality.

I'm really new to the sport of running and I've been plagued by a hip injury since the very beginning. I often wonder if maybe triathlon is not going to be the thing that keeps me healthy as I get older. I'm seeing a specialist next week, and, frankly, I don't get paid to do this... but I love it. Seriously, I LOVE everything about it. From the 4:30 a.m. wake up calls to the anxiety on race day. I love seeing how far I can push myself. I love proving to myself that my asthma isn't an excuse. I love showing my kids that grown ups can and should be active and healthy. I love that my own kids want to be triathletes. How can I walk away from that?

How young is too young for a trainer?

Ask the coach: Triathlon training cycles

Last week I did not train at all. I had some very important personal issues that needed my complete attention so training was put on hold. Fortunately, it couldn't have come at a better time because last week was an "easy" week.

Joanna has me training on a four week cycle. We build for three weeks and recover on the fourth. I can't tell you how happy I am when I get my weekly training schedule on that fourth week and it says EASY week. By that point I'm spent.

Anyway, the last time I had a recovery week, someone asked me on dailymile what I was "recovering from." So, I asked Joanna to explain training cycles and recovery. Here is what she said:

Recovery weeks are there so your body can recover from the usual three weeks of intensity building workouts. Without the recovery, you can keep pushing and pushing, but your body will crap out on you after about six to eight weeks. OK, maybe not crap out but your body will slow down and you will be very tired. 

Your performance will suffer as your body will not be able to push as hard as you need for any length of time. During workouts your heart rate will either rise really fast and get to its max number when at 75% effort quicker, or you won’t be able to get that heart rate to move up at all. 

You are usually at your best performance-wise after a few days or weeks of rest or easy workouts, which is why we taper for our races. As fatigue goes up, performance usually goes down. But there is that little window where the performance remains high while fatigue starts to fall - that is when you want to race or do your monthly testing to see if you are improving. Then once that fatigue falls, you still have a week, sometimes less depending on the sport, to start that training all over again and build for three weeks until the next rest/recovery cycle.

I usually say you can choose to take an easy week now, sleep in and recover, or you can wait until you have no choice but to sleep in and recover which usually is when you are sick, injured or are so tired that even easy workouts seem difficult.

So next time you see a post on dailymile where someone is recovering, it might not be from an injury but that they are taking a break from the intense workouts so they body can heal and be ready for the testing, racing or another training cycle ahead.