Reality bites

Last Thursday, the kids and I went on a mini mid-winter get away. When I was married, my then-husband and I used to go to Mexico for a week around this time of year. The kids never went with us. So it's been about 5 years since I've had a mid-winter get away.

This year has been especially cold and dreary and one day I was sitting around dreaming of a trip to Mexico and I realized that the kiddos probably would love to get away for a few days. Since Mexico, or any trip requiring airfare, is out of the financial question these days, I found a family-friendly resort and took them.

The kiddos were exactly the right age (and height) for this place to ROCK!

It was super mega awesome.

Yes, we went down every. single, waterslide. TWICE!

But I'm back today and headed to pool after my boss unlocks the shackles for the day.

Today is exactly 90 days to my race.

I had a very stern "talking to" the other day about what I should expect from myself during this first race.

Here are some truths:
* I took 2 years off and did not swim or ride my bike at all.
* I have been running sporadically, but nothing that resembles training for anything.
* Over the last year, I have been fighting with my hip injury and every time I start running with regularity, it flares up.
* I'm days away from the 10th anniversary of my 29th birthday, which means I "may" not be as young and vibrant as I once thought I was.
* I am not in race shape - and 90 days isn't going to change that.

But I can get close. So I'm refocusing. Instead of trying to kick it out of the park and set giant goals, I'm going to race to finish. I'm going to focus on how I feel. I'm going to use this race to gauge what needs the most improvement and make my comeback slow and steady.

I mean, haven't I been told the story of the tortoise and the hare enough times that you'd think I'd learn something from it - like take your damn time and you might succeed.

So, we'll see.

102 days and counting...

There are 102 days left until my first race.

But who's counting?

I am.

Training is going swimmingly. Friday I swam and I can really say that I feel better in the water after each trip to the pool. This last swim I felt that glide through the water I'd been struggling with during the first few swims.

And Sunday I rode my trainer because it's far too cold to ride outside.

But now it's Wednesday and I haven't done squat since Sunday.

This week has been crazy. Monday morning I went into work early so I could leave early and take the BF to the spine doctor (herniated disc pushing on a nerve). Spent the rest of Monday taking care of him.

Tuesday morning I had full intention of getting up and getting on the trainer, but I was so exhausted from not sleeping (see above paragraph), that I didn't bother getting up early.

This morning I had full intention of getting up again and getting on the trainer, but I had the first full night of sleep in weeks (see above paragraph) that I simply stayed in bed.

No excuses.

My kids come home today, which I'm so excited about, but it also means I won't workout tonight or tomorrow morning or Friday morning. They are 7 and 8. I mean, I'll try to get up tomorrow morning, but I have low expectations that will happen.

But I will try.

Friday night the kids go to their dad's, so I will definitely swim after work.

Because who doesn't love spending their Friday nights alone at the gym?

Depending on the weather, I'll either run outside Saturday or ride the trainer. Sunday I'll swim and run. I've been trying to run for at least 10 mins after every swim. (Btw, the new sneakers I got are GREAT! I recommend them for short distance races.)

But I'm a little concerned I won't be ready for my first race in 102 days. I'm trying to fit in workouts at every opportunity. I'm also trying not to kill myself. I want to come back slow. I want to feel good about this race, not pressure to perform or do great or whatever. This is something I've struggled with for years. Before every race I freak out about how poor I am, or how unprepared I am, or how I didn't do enough, or how I'm not good enough.

With my divorce, I thought I left the "I'm not good enough" behind, but it's rearing its ugly head and I need it to stop. I need to know and truly feel I am good enough and that will take time.

I feel pressure to do really well during this race because I want everyone to be proud of me. I want my boyfriend to be proud of my hard work. I want my friends and family to see that while I took some time off, I can come back. I want to feel like even though I'm weeks away from 39, I'm not too old or too injured to comeback strong.

But I'm tired. I have so much responsibility and there are only so many hours in the day.

But I'm doing a sprint. There was a time in my life that I wouldn't even bother paying the registration fee for a sprint because I was focused on half irons. Now I'm not even sure I won't come in last because I have such limited time to train.

In the end, maybe it's a good thing. I will certainly be rested. I just need the mental calmness that I CAN DO IT. I will success. Just keep moving forward. Just be strong.

I'm trying...

Training update: Remembering how to swim

Last Friday was a weird day. I spent the entire day mentally preparing for my return to the pool. About 15 minutes before the end of my workday, I had a very strange interaction via email with someone and it through me completely off balance. I tried to keep my head in the game, but all of a sudden I was in the midst of crazy weird unexpected drama.

I still went to the pool.

Putting on my swimsuit, I was nervous it wouldn't fit.
It fit.

I was worried my goggles may have deteriorated while sitting around over the last two years.
They didn't.

I pushed off the wall, worried I wouldn't remember how to swim.
I felt great.

For two laps.

50 yards.

Then I crashed. Like my muscles forgot how to move. I struggled through 500 yards in about 10 mins.

I posted this on Facebook:

Fortunately, I was quickly reminded that it may take a swim or two to get back into the swing of things.

Sunday I was feeling really motivated and wanted to see what I could do. So I planned on a very quick brick workout.

I swam 700 yards in 20 mins (this is total time in the pool, not necessarily my swim time. I need a watch battery), and felt a million times better in the water than I did Friday. I still got tired pretty quickly, but I felt a huge improvement. Then I changed as quickly as possible and headed to the treadmill for a short 10 min run.

It was awesome.

That is until I got off the treadmill and found my hip flexor in a crazy amount of pain. (This is probably due to the 3 hours of shoveling I did Saturday, followed by my jump to a brick)

Fortunately, with some ice, Advil and rest, today I feel pretty good.

I woke up Monday morning feeling like my old self. I had a surge of energy and wanted to run, bike or anything. But snow had other plans. I jumped out of bed and started working. When I got home from work, I wanted to ride the trainer, but I shoveled snow instead.

Shoveling snow counts as training, right?

I'd like to get on the bike trainer today after work, but we'll see how it goes. If I don't ride the bike today, I'll definitely get on it Wednesday morning. The kids come back home from their dad's Wednesday night. Friday I plan a short swim and run again, hopefully by that time my hip flexor will be back to 100% because I have a new pair of sneakers coming Thursday and I CAN'T WAIT to try them. I haven't had new running sneakers for two years!

I also splurged on a transition bag and a new tri kit/Philadelphia Triathlon Club uniform and a new Road ID bracelet that removes my ex-husband as my emergency contact. I'm actually super excited for the uniform, to be honest. It's so nice to feel like I "belong" someplace.

Now, if only I could get myself to one of their group training sessions or social events!

New year, new training goals

At the end of September, I made some grand plans for 2013. I stated them loud and proud. Now, a mere three days into 2013, I’m not a shamed at all to say I was full of it.

As it turns out, I cannot dive head first into a year of training while moving (this Saturday!) into a new house, getting a divorce, sorting out custody arraignments and working two and a half jobs. 

Since so much has happened since I last posted, I’ll spare you all the minor details and give you the bullet points.

Austin Marathon

I’m still headed to Austin and I plan to run, just not the full marathon. I just don’t  have the time, mental capacity, drive or desire to train properly for the full marathon, so I will run the half. I had been tossing around the idea of only running the half for a few weeks when I started out on a planned 16 mile run. I didn't feel good about this run from the start and at about mile 10, my body said stop. My hip started bothering me and I realized I just couldn't put myself through another long injury recovery period. Clearly I wasn't treating my body well enough to put it through the rigors of a full marathon. Maybe next year.

Triathlons

The thing about getting a divorce and moving on with your life is that you realize pretty quickly how little time and money you have when half your support system is gone. My free time will now be spent with my children. I have been spending time in the gym working on my strength, but my endurance has suffered since I haven't been logging many miles running, swimming or biking. I just don’t have the time to devote to the hours needed for these endeavors right now. Maybe I’ll change my mind in a few months after life settles down. The desire to race is there, the funds and time just aren't. I promised a friend I’d do a race with her this year, I will keep my promise but my focus will be on fun… not competition.     

Life is good

While so much negative stuff is going on, there is a sparkle of hope and happiness I'm holding on to. Divorce is never easy, no matter how hard you try. There is no easy way out; there is no way to get through it without hurt feelings... but there is hope. I have found  happiness reuniting with friends I haven't spent much time with; I've found that I have the drive to work hard to get the things I need. I've found confidence and I found friends who promise to be there - and actually are there - when needed. Most of all, I've found that my children are strong, resilient and see the silver lining in almost any situation. I am proud of them. I want them to see me as a strong, independent, determined woman who will do anything for them. I want to show them how to live healthy, how physical work equals physical strength. I want to give them peace and security and I want them to be happy, without compromising my own happiness. For me personally, 2012 was a very hard year on all levels. I cried at the stroke of midnight, said good-bye to 2012 and opened the door to 2013. A brand new year with brand new opportunities.  

(btw, if you live in the Montgomery County, Pa, area and want to schedule a free trial MaxOut workout with me, comment below or simply visit the site and request a free trial. Also, if you're interested in any of the hundreds of AMAZING Herbalife products, including the new Herbalife 24 made for and by athletes, visit my website and place an order or comment below and I'll get in touch with you)

I am not an android... I'm a triathlete

After breaking the VO2 testing machine the last time I was there, the Performance Lab let me come back last Friday. Turns out, even though I resemble one in this photo, I am not an android at all.

The first time I found myself in the lab, it seemed so surreal. Here I am, regular old Diane, standing in a room with real athletic testing equipment... for real athletes. Like real, serious athletes. I couldn't help but giggle pretty much the whole time I was there. How did I end up here?

The Performance Lab, located in Cherry Hill, N.J., is "powered by" the Rothman Institute, which is a super awesome orthopaedics specialty group that I went to as a last resort to work out this hip issue of mine. Basically I thought, if they can't help me, no one will. 

Enter Dr. Michael Ross, fellow member of the Philadelphia Triathlon Club. After meeting him at his office and getting X-rays of my hips, he determined some physical therapy would help my hip... but wanted to take it a step further. He wanted to find out why my hip injury will not go away and stay away. He suspected it had something to do with my asthma and the way we figure this out is we test. 

As a less than amateur triathlete, the idea of getting these complex tests done was super cool. I mean, really, how freaking cool is it that I can learn how my body burns fat, carbohydrates, at what point lactic acid takes over and learn about my overall lung function from the inside out? Pretty freaking sweet in my book.

The first thing that happens is they fit you with this very android looking device, see above photo. Next they measure, I think, my lung capacity. I take a giant breath in and then blow it out until my lungs are empty. Next is a hyperventilation test where I breathe in and out quickly (hyperventilating). I will be honest, I have no idea what that measures. I didn't take notes. Bad blogger.

After doing those tests, the real testing begins. Starting out walking on the treadmill, we increase the miles per hour every two minutes until I can't run any more. 

This doesn't take nearly as long as you'd think. At least for me.

I topped out at the end of the 2 minutes at 8 mph. This is a 7:30 running pace. I can't run faster than that. I simply could not keep up with the treadmill any longer.

What we learned:

My asthma is not nearly as controlled as I thought. My large airways stay open, in fact, they actually increase as I exercise, but the small airways do not. They get smaller and decrease by as much as 50%, which significantly decreases the amount of oxygen getting to my muscles, which speeds up fatigue. This, in turn, makes my small muscles work harder than they should and helps contribute to my hip injury never really staying better. So, Dr. Ross prescribed some new meds that seem to be really working. We'll retest in a few weeks.

We learned lots of other things like where my body stops burning fat and starts using carbohydrates, my lactic threshold and how I can get faster, but I don't really want to bore you with all of it because it really is only interesting to me ... and Joanna. What I will tell you, is that the longer I'm in triathlon, the more I learn about myself. Whether it's that I sometimes shock myself with my competitive nature or how lung function can directly effect muscle fatigue, the real lesson in triathlon has less to do with swim, bike run, and much more to do with what the individual athlete learns about themselves through the training process. 

Oh, quick update: I was supposed to run the Iron Girl Half Marathon in Columbus, MD, Sunday, however both Joanna and Dr. Ross decided it wouldn't be a great idea for me to try and muscle my way through a half marathon and potentially injury my hip even more, which could ruin my chances of racing Eagleman in June.

It's good to know people in triathlon

I've been a bad blogger, a very bad blogger. I haven't written in some time because, to be completely honest, I've been struggling with some mental setbacks. I haven't run more than 12 minutes in a row in nearly 3 weeks and I have a half marathon scheduled for April 29. I've been assured by my doctor and Joanna that I'll be able to run the race, but I'm starting to wonder if it'll really happen.

Shhhh! I snapped this picture while I waited for the doctor. 
Oh, what lovely bones I have...

Last Thursday I went to the Rothman Institute for an appointment to find out, once and for all, what is wrong with this hip of mine. As you can see in the above picture, my bones are fine. But, turns out, I have injured my gluteus minimus because my gluteus maximus is weak. Everybody laugh... I'm a weak ass. But what it means is that I'm not using my rear to its full potential while running.

That's not all... on Friday I went in for a VO2 max test at the Performance Lab (which was a really super awesomely cool experience that I promise to write about before the end of next week) to see if my asthma may be making my smaller muscles work harder. The test showed that my asthma is under control (good news), but my muscles aren't storing sugar for very long. This means that when I do longer, faster runs (bike rides or swims) my body doesn't burn fat for energy unless I'm running really, really slow - instead it's burning muscle. According to the test, I need nearly 200 per hour from carbs while working out. That's two Gu's an hour! From what I can tell, it's a vicious cycle for my body that nutrition counseling and physical therapy should fix.

Thank goodness my coach is also a nutritionist... who knows my doctor who happens to be a fellow member of the Philadelphia Triathlon Club, which takes me out of the translation loop. That's great news, since you can tell I'm terrible at explaining medical garble.