Smashing through my goal

As it turns out, I didn't need a mantra at all. I just needed to kick myself in the butt.

After work yesterday, I went to the pool with full intentions of swimming 1200. In my pocket, so to speak, I had a mantra I was going to repeat if I started getting anxious that I had something more important to do.

It was:

"Nothing is more important that taking care of yourself."

What I did instead came really natural throughout my entire swim. I counted. 1-2-3, breathe. Or, in my case, it was more often, 1-2-3-4-5, breathe. I really have to get out of that habit. I'm going to get lost during my swim or drown if I don't breathe more often. But that's a different post.

Not only was my swim the distance I planned, but my time was better than I expected. I swam 1200 yards in 23:44. Snail pace for many triathletes I know and love, but for me after my long and extended break from triathlon, I am really proud of it. It shows that practice does, in fact, work.

Whoo hoo! I did it!

Who would've guessed?

After my swim, I squeezed into my running tights and hit the treadmill.

Side note: If you ever see someone trying to put on running tights when their skin is still slightly damp from the pool, try not to laugh. Wait until you watch them struggle with a sports bra or a running top that is slightly too small. That laugh will be much more fulfilling.

I have a venomous hatred for the treadmill. Pretty sure it's because I have an unchecked case of ADD and after 5 mins I need to do something else. But, I managed 1.5 miles after my swim.

I'm mega happy with the workout.

I woke up this morning at 5 a.m., hopped on the trainer for 45 mins, followed by 3 sets of 8 bicep curls, tricep extensions, shoulder presses and squats.

Thanks for the encouragement, Andy! 

I would like to do a short run tomorrow morning, and I may attempt to run outside since temperatures will be in the low 40s by 5 a.m.

With just a few short weeks until my race, today, right now, I'm feeling like I will be ready.

**Also, if you look to the right of my page, you'll see my daily mile widget. It's not updating and I don't know why. If you really want to, you can follow me on dailymile if you click here.

Swim, bike, run, repeat

My training has mostly focused on swimming so far this winter. Because I hadn't had access to a pool for so long, getting back into it has been a bit of challenge. But once I got over the hump of remembering how to swim, things got easier. Now that I'm feeling better in the water, I have to start working on getting out of my own head.

That's what I feel like I'm up against now. It's not skill or training or time management or endurance, it's what is going on in my brain that I need to put in check.

For example, last time I was at the pool, I set a goal to swim 1200 yards. For you seasoned athletes, 1200 yards can be a warm up. For my comeback, 1200 yards is a completely obtainable goal. For whatever reason, once I hit the 1000 mark, my mind starts telling me to stop. Like seriously, what is another 200 yards? It would be a total of 4 minutes max, but I just can't get myself to shut up and just do it. This never used to be a problem.

In my head I have "other" things I have to do.
That load of wash that's been sitting in the dryer all day needs to be folded.
I need to go home and make dinner.
I need to get home.
I need to stop at the grocery store on my way home, so I better leave now.

Clearly these are little things I tell myself to talk myself out of doing what I want to do. Over the last two years I have conditioned myself to take my needs second over the needs of others, like my kids or my boyfriend. Whatever they need must come before me.

Well, that is exactly the reason why I decided to make a comeback. I was ready to start putting me in that No. 1 spot.

But it's not as easy as it seems.

I'm working on it.

In exactly 3.5 hours, I'll be headed to the gym for a 1200 yard swim, plus a 2 mile run. Tomorrow morning I'll be on my bike trainer bright and early, followed by a very short end of the day run outside if the weather cooperates.

I've come up with a plan on getting out of my head. I usually spend the time between laps thinking about the day or what I need to do. Today, I am going to try a little game with my brain. Each time I start saying to myself that something I "need" to do is more important than the thing I am currently doing, I will repeat a mantra until the the urge to stop disappears.

I also read somewhere a while ago that when you want to stop running, instead of stopping, start counting your steps until you get to 100 and by the time you get there, the urge to stop will be gone. Maybe I can try that also, I can count strokes until my brain stops.

I'll let you know what works and what doesn't the next time. In the meantime, if you have a mantra you repeat to yourself or have something you do, like count steps or strokes, to stave off the urge to stop, please share in the comments below. I can use all the help I can get.

Reality bites

Last Thursday, the kids and I went on a mini mid-winter get away. When I was married, my then-husband and I used to go to Mexico for a week around this time of year. The kids never went with us. So it's been about 5 years since I've had a mid-winter get away.

This year has been especially cold and dreary and one day I was sitting around dreaming of a trip to Mexico and I realized that the kiddos probably would love to get away for a few days. Since Mexico, or any trip requiring airfare, is out of the financial question these days, I found a family-friendly resort and took them.

The kiddos were exactly the right age (and height) for this place to ROCK!

It was super mega awesome.

Yes, we went down every. single, waterslide. TWICE!

But I'm back today and headed to pool after my boss unlocks the shackles for the day.

Today is exactly 90 days to my race.

I had a very stern "talking to" the other day about what I should expect from myself during this first race.

Here are some truths:
* I took 2 years off and did not swim or ride my bike at all.
* I have been running sporadically, but nothing that resembles training for anything.
* Over the last year, I have been fighting with my hip injury and every time I start running with regularity, it flares up.
* I'm days away from the 10th anniversary of my 29th birthday, which means I "may" not be as young and vibrant as I once thought I was.
* I am not in race shape - and 90 days isn't going to change that.

But I can get close. So I'm refocusing. Instead of trying to kick it out of the park and set giant goals, I'm going to race to finish. I'm going to focus on how I feel. I'm going to use this race to gauge what needs the most improvement and make my comeback slow and steady.

I mean, haven't I been told the story of the tortoise and the hare enough times that you'd think I'd learn something from it - like take your damn time and you might succeed.

So, we'll see.

Focus Diane. Just focus.

If I've been told once, I've been told a billion times; life never gives you what you expect.

My weekend training plan was as follows:
Friday swim and run
Saturday off to spend time with my boyfriend
Sunday swim and run
Monday swim and run
Tuesday bike trainer

Well, I left work Friday and felt like swimming and running about ZERO percent, but like any good triathlete, I made it to the gym and swam. I skipped the short run because I forgot a hat.

Yes, I'm completely aware that forgetting a hat is like the dumbest excuse EVER for skipping a workout. But that was my excuse and I'm sticking with it. Running on a treadmill with soaking wet hair and no hat just didn't appeal to me. Plus, in all seriousness, I was not into the workout at all, so I did what I could and instead of a quick 10 min run, I hung out in the hot tub and then the sauna.

Saturday we celebrated Valentine's Day early since the kids will be at home next weekend.

Sunday I had full intentions of getting to the pool, but the BF woke up sick and left the dog home. So, yes, another lame excuse, I decided to skip the pool and ride the trainer to keep the pooch company at home. I worked out, just didn't swim.

Now it's Monday. The BF is still sick and stayed home from work. I packed my gym bag and went to work, again, with full intentions of swimming after work. Pretty sure I'll be heading home after work to take care of him.

We all know when men are sick, it's worse than having sick kids.

So that leaves me with very little time this week for much of anything. Tuesday I will definitely go to the gym after work... I am truly running out of excuses, and Wednesday I hope to ride the trainer in the morning.

Thursday, the kids and I are headed out of town to the largest indoor waterpark in the state!!

No training will be done from Wednesday until Monday after work.

So, I'm getting nervous.

I had all these grand plans and it seems like I just don't have time to commit to this endeavor.

I'm sticking with it. I have to, but I also need to focus and stop worrying about other people so much and just do what I need to do.

Focus Diane. Just focus.

102 days and counting...

There are 102 days left until my first race.

But who's counting?

I am.

Training is going swimmingly. Friday I swam and I can really say that I feel better in the water after each trip to the pool. This last swim I felt that glide through the water I'd been struggling with during the first few swims.

And Sunday I rode my trainer because it's far too cold to ride outside.

But now it's Wednesday and I haven't done squat since Sunday.

This week has been crazy. Monday morning I went into work early so I could leave early and take the BF to the spine doctor (herniated disc pushing on a nerve). Spent the rest of Monday taking care of him.

Tuesday morning I had full intention of getting up and getting on the trainer, but I was so exhausted from not sleeping (see above paragraph), that I didn't bother getting up early.

This morning I had full intention of getting up again and getting on the trainer, but I had the first full night of sleep in weeks (see above paragraph) that I simply stayed in bed.

No excuses.

My kids come home today, which I'm so excited about, but it also means I won't workout tonight or tomorrow morning or Friday morning. They are 7 and 8. I mean, I'll try to get up tomorrow morning, but I have low expectations that will happen.

But I will try.

Friday night the kids go to their dad's, so I will definitely swim after work.

Because who doesn't love spending their Friday nights alone at the gym?

Depending on the weather, I'll either run outside Saturday or ride the trainer. Sunday I'll swim and run. I've been trying to run for at least 10 mins after every swim. (Btw, the new sneakers I got are GREAT! I recommend them for short distance races.)

But I'm a little concerned I won't be ready for my first race in 102 days. I'm trying to fit in workouts at every opportunity. I'm also trying not to kill myself. I want to come back slow. I want to feel good about this race, not pressure to perform or do great or whatever. This is something I've struggled with for years. Before every race I freak out about how poor I am, or how unprepared I am, or how I didn't do enough, or how I'm not good enough.

With my divorce, I thought I left the "I'm not good enough" behind, but it's rearing its ugly head and I need it to stop. I need to know and truly feel I am good enough and that will take time.

I feel pressure to do really well during this race because I want everyone to be proud of me. I want my boyfriend to be proud of my hard work. I want my friends and family to see that while I took some time off, I can come back. I want to feel like even though I'm weeks away from 39, I'm not too old or too injured to comeback strong.

But I'm tired. I have so much responsibility and there are only so many hours in the day.

But I'm doing a sprint. There was a time in my life that I wouldn't even bother paying the registration fee for a sprint because I was focused on half irons. Now I'm not even sure I won't come in last because I have such limited time to train.

In the end, maybe it's a good thing. I will certainly be rested. I just need the mental calmness that I CAN DO IT. I will success. Just keep moving forward. Just be strong.

I'm trying...

Training update: Remembering how to swim

Last Friday was a weird day. I spent the entire day mentally preparing for my return to the pool. About 15 minutes before the end of my workday, I had a very strange interaction via email with someone and it through me completely off balance. I tried to keep my head in the game, but all of a sudden I was in the midst of crazy weird unexpected drama.

I still went to the pool.

Putting on my swimsuit, I was nervous it wouldn't fit.
It fit.

I was worried my goggles may have deteriorated while sitting around over the last two years.
They didn't.

I pushed off the wall, worried I wouldn't remember how to swim.
I felt great.

For two laps.

50 yards.

Then I crashed. Like my muscles forgot how to move. I struggled through 500 yards in about 10 mins.

I posted this on Facebook:

Fortunately, I was quickly reminded that it may take a swim or two to get back into the swing of things.

Sunday I was feeling really motivated and wanted to see what I could do. So I planned on a very quick brick workout.

I swam 700 yards in 20 mins (this is total time in the pool, not necessarily my swim time. I need a watch battery), and felt a million times better in the water than I did Friday. I still got tired pretty quickly, but I felt a huge improvement. Then I changed as quickly as possible and headed to the treadmill for a short 10 min run.

It was awesome.

That is until I got off the treadmill and found my hip flexor in a crazy amount of pain. (This is probably due to the 3 hours of shoveling I did Saturday, followed by my jump to a brick)

Fortunately, with some ice, Advil and rest, today I feel pretty good.

I woke up Monday morning feeling like my old self. I had a surge of energy and wanted to run, bike or anything. But snow had other plans. I jumped out of bed and started working. When I got home from work, I wanted to ride the trainer, but I shoveled snow instead.

Shoveling snow counts as training, right?

I'd like to get on the bike trainer today after work, but we'll see how it goes. If I don't ride the bike today, I'll definitely get on it Wednesday morning. The kids come back home from their dad's Wednesday night. Friday I plan a short swim and run again, hopefully by that time my hip flexor will be back to 100% because I have a new pair of sneakers coming Thursday and I CAN'T WAIT to try them. I haven't had new running sneakers for two years!

I also splurged on a transition bag and a new tri kit/Philadelphia Triathlon Club uniform and a new Road ID bracelet that removes my ex-husband as my emergency contact. I'm actually super excited for the uniform, to be honest. It's so nice to feel like I "belong" someplace.

Now, if only I could get myself to one of their group training sessions or social events!

Don't call it a comeback ... Actually, yes, it is a comeback

I know I've said it before, but this time it's real. I'm back, baby, and I'm ready for the 2015 triathlon season.

It's been a long two years since I've last raced. During that time, I let myself get pretty much completely out of triathlon shape. I've gained a few (7) pounds and let my endurance base drop to zero.

Last fall, I started a beginner 5k running group and ran a 5k in mid October.

Part of my AWESOME 5k group - and me.

While pinning that race number to my shirt - I completely forgot about the novelty that is a race belt - I thought about how much I love the feeling right before a race. The nerves. The anxiety. The excitement.

Yes, those are safety pins. Can you believe I forgot I owned a race belt?

Well, it's time to get back that feeling.

I somehow managed to get a second place trophy. 

This week, I took a couple of huge steps that have created a situation in which I have goal and I've spent some money - two things needed to keep me focused.

First, I rejoined the Philadelphia Triathlon Club.

Part of the reason I've been so apprehensive about getting back in the game is that when I left my husband, I left the triathlon community. Anyone I ran/biked/swam with pretty much stuck around with my ex who had the financial freedom and time to keep up with his athletic endeavors. I learned the very hard lesson about who my friends really were, which really held me back from reaching out to the community who I felt abandoned me. Combine that with the fact that over the last two years my fitness level has dropped to newbie level, it left my pride pretty injured.

But I'm ready to let that go.

Tomorrow, if snow doesn't ruin my plans, I will be headed to the 2015 PTC kick off party to meet me some new training partners.

Fingers crossed.

Next, I renewed my USAT membership for the year. I did this so that I'd be an official USAT member, not just having a one day pass on race day. This made me feel like I was really back.

After that, I registered (gulp) for a race.

Yes, it's a sprint.
Yes, it's right around the corner from my house.
Yes, it's in 114 days.
Yes, I'm nervous.

Finally, I renewed my gym (with a pool) membership. I've been going to a gym without a pool, but there's no such thing as a triathlon that doesn't have a swim.

After work today, I have a Friday night date with the pool. Oh yeah.

There you have it. Only time will tell how this goes. I'll be posting my progress here. Encouragement is always appreciated. :)